never thought I'd see the day....

Tom Brady is out with a season ending injury to his knee. Wow, you've got to be kidding me. I think it's a really bad nightmare honestly. I feel like I'm going to wake up and he's going to be there kicking some ass. Yes, yes it's true, I take football very seriously. VERY SERIOUSLY. Not to mention I fucked up and didn't get him on my fantasy team last year, and was able to get him this year....maybe I jinxed the Pats.
Alas, the Patriots are a great team that will trudge on and prove to everyone that they don't need Brady to win. We must put faith into the team and trust that Matt Cassel has paid enough attention to do a good job.


I'm not sure when this shock will pass. Maybe after the next game, maybe not til he back next year :(

If you want to read a great article on the departure of my Tommy B, hit up www.boston.com. They have the best information, as always.
Get well soon TB, I still love ya! :)

soul searching

I met my husband what seems like 700 million years ago. We were so in love back then.... I couldn't imagine a single second without him in it. We were a typical country music song/video. Driving around in the pick up truck on back roads, swilling beer, smoking cigarettes, having fun and being young. It was the life. We had bumps in the road, but it all came back to loving eachother and being best friends.
THEN, we had Abby. Sure, things were still good, but nothing was great anymore. Eric lost himself more and more every day in our bills and making a good life for our family. I know, sounds horrible... while it's great to have someone in the house paying attention to that stuff, can we please not forget that we're trying to shape a child here?!?!?! HEY next lets add another kid to the mix, AND getting married in between!
Some days I feel like a single mom. It's true. Eric has to work late, or is putting around outside in the yard working on some stupid project that he'll never finish. I am left with the crazy screaming children that are planted firmly up my ass while I cook dinner, clean, and prepare for the next day... yet they have a million toys they could be playing with. I do the shopping by myself, I visit friends by myself, I take the kiddos for walks by myself.
My kids go to bed early... it's great. But my free time is spent in silence.... you think he could ask about my day or listen to one of my dumb LL Bean stories because god knows I listen to all of his STUPID fucking garage stories, and if I didn't I'd be labeled as the wife that just doesn't care. I can't complain about anything, because then I just hear about how he pays all the bills and I'm ungrateful. No I'm not, but I'm not interested in having my parent's relationship. I never once saw my parents hug, never once heard them say I love you, and they barely ever did anything with us as a family. Hell they divorced by the time I was 8.

Some days I wonder... is it the kids that did this? (not that I blame them for anything!!) Or are we really losing what was once so strong? Does this happen alot?? Will it keep happening over the years? We had a "date night" a few weeks ago and I felt like I had nothing to say. In fact I almost felt like we were on a first date. Not the uncomfortable feeling, but the "eh I have nothing else to say I wanna go home and take a nap" feeling.

I love Eric.... I love him very much. But sometimes I wonder, is it really enough? Is it enough to keep this going for the rest of our lives? When my kids are grown and move on... what will keep me here? I already feel like there are too many days when I ask myself why...

Moms!

Well, I joined the myspace world oh... I don't know, a little under 3 years ago. I never thought much of it. And now, I think, if I hadn't I wouldn't be where I am.

Being a pregnant mom with a 1 1/2 year old, you can say I was a little bored. One night I found myself perusing the babycenter boards and found a link to a myspace group. At that time, I was told I was due in July. I joined the July group and jumped into the morning sickness, baby names, weight gaining conversations. I met a wonderful woman, who had I had way too much in common with... we became fast friends and had due dates close to one another. The group was a great outlet for me. I later found out that I would indeed be having a June baby after all.... so while still being a part of the July group, I sought out a June group. I definately found a great June group full of women from all walks of life. We all rejoiced as each one of us found out what we were having, then talk went to nursery decor to childcare to car seats... the list could go on. The point is, I've found happiness in this group of women. When people around home blow me off because I'm a boring old mom, these girls are there. When I need an opinion on a dress, a haircut, something new for the baby... they are there. At first I thought it was a little sad that some of these women are there for me more than my home friends, but now I realize just how lucky I really am to have them!
And that July mom I mentioned before.... she is now the person I consider to be my best friend. Matthew and I went to Ohio in March and stayed with her. From the moment we met in the airport, I knew she was the other half of me I'd been missing. I could not live without Krys-Anne. Well, physically I might be able to, but mentally, NO WAY. This girl is like the twin that was separated from me at birth. I have never ever met anyone that has treated me with so much respect and values every word that comes out of my mouth. She is the truest friend I've ever had, and I look forward to our children getting married to one another. LOL. I miss her every single day of the week.

Pretty amazing huh? I find these other moms to be better friends than any of these jerks I have around here......

crazy!

I just have to share.
I looked at Abby's feet today and noticed they were definately outgrowing the strawberry Tevas I bought her TWO months ago. This is an amazing feat in itself considering she can generally wear shoes for two seasons! Her feet are HUGE all of the sudden.... they are already over half the size of mine! She had to have had a growth spurt, which might have been the culprit of the super cranky 3 year old I've had for the past week.

two....

I remember the day like it was yesterday, and I think it will always feel that way. I sat in the Dr's office waiting for the result. She came in. I had to have been sweating or at least visibly shaking. "SO, do you think Abby wants a brother or a sister?" Vomit filled my espohagus. "Um, what?" No fucking way I could be pregnant... well I could, but I couldn't. My first thought, I'm a dead woman, not that Eric is the beating type, but hey, we couldn't afford another kid. We were planning for it a year after this, not NOW.

My biggest issue was always that I was ruining Abigail's life. Come on, who in their life never wanted to be a spoiled only child?! You're lying if you say you never wanted to be one. Abby was spoiled from the moment she was born. But not in a bad way. In a way that we were teaching her that the better of a person you are, the more you get. Crazy concept I know, but that's how we do it. She was Daddy's little girl, Mommy's princess, Grampie's girl... you name it. She was the first born grandchild on both sides, not to mention the smartest. I felt every day as the pregnancy went on that I was taking something from her more and more. But, I worked really hard to make a child under two understand what was happening. Abby spoke daily of her "Pa you" as she so lovingly called him. She felt his kicks, god I wish she would be able to remember that years from now. She was ready to share our love, I was not.

I'll never forget the moment my daughter met her brother. Even in the drugged up state that was so bad I barely remember the people that visited me that first day, I remember those two kids. Eric bent down with Matthew in his arms, but Abigail was still fixed on me sitting in a bed, tubes and such going every where. But then a few minutes later, she turned her head slowly and looked to her brother. She leaned over and kissed his forehead and said "hey, I'm your sister and I love you buddy." That was the best moment of my life. The two have been buddies ever since. Abigail was as helpful as a 2 year old could be when we came home. She has watched over him carefully ever since June 19th, 2007. I don't think anyone could ever say that any girl would ever be a better big sister than her.

In this past year I've learned so much. I never for one minute took something away from Abigail. In fact, I gave her a gift that enriched her life and made her the happy, compassionate 3 year old that she is today. Abigail and Matthew have more love for one another than I've ever seen two human beings have in my entire life. Granted, they are learning to fight and learning what the other one likes and doesn't like.... but they're siblings, best friends, and my beautiful children, and I can't wait to watch them grow.

hmmm

I'm going to need some help. I find myself becoming retarded when it comes to technology these days.

This blog... is a time filler, a way to start writing again whether someone wants to read it or not. I find myself searching for more purpose in my life these days. I want to do something that one day my kids will be like "YEAH! That's my mom!" Not that being a mom isn't gratifying or fulfilling, but I want to "share the wealth". I want to be a mom that is a great mom and is great at accomplishing other things.
I guess starting to write more is a good start. I have time to decide just what I want to be writing. Children's book, tween books, or adult books. Or just a book for someone that needs a good book. I've thought a lot about books along the lines of parenting... parenting a girl, parenting a boy... living through parenting both at the same time. Writing what you know can be easy, and if I can touch one person and help them through something, I suppose it just might be worth it right?